A Week to Christmas
by sailor-ahiru-RaNdOmNeS
Summary: Bella and Edward decide to spend their christmas on holiday - but Alice has different plans for them...
1. 19th December

**19th December**

It was a week before Christmas and I was getting frustrated as Alice kept bouncing off the walls – something was up. She had planned something and it was getting on my last nerves. Edward and I had planned on going away this week to celebrate Christmas together; my first Christmas as a vampire. Yet Alice was crazy against it; she'd obviously had a vision or something but refused to divulge us in what it was about.

_'So Bella how does a week away on holiday sound for Christmas?'_

_I turned to Edward and smiled, my eyes lighting up at such a beautiful idea and to convey my answer I reached up and kissed him, pulling him towards me; though a thought entered my head._

_'What about Renesme?' I mumbled against his lips._

_Giving me a final kiss Edward pulled back a bit._

_'I've spoken to Esme and Carlisle and they would love to look after the little monster for the week, in fact they are enthralled to have her to spoil for a week.'_

_'She's not a monster' I countered with a pout. With a laugh Edward pulled me back to him again and I whispered 'It's a deal'_

_Suddenly our front swung open with a ruckus and Alice's lithely steps could be heard coming down the hallway at a quickened pace._

_'You can't leave!!' she yelled out to us, appearing in the kitchen where we stood only seconds later._

_Baffled Edward managed to sputter out a why which got me concerned because if Edward was asking it meant that Alice was avoiding his prying mental searching._

_'Alice what do you have planned?'_

_She smiled_

_'Nothing as of yet… but soon, very soon'_

_I sighed, when Alice gets like this there is nothing that can be done but to wait it out._

I returned to my battered copy of pride and prejudice tyring to block out her crazy amount of energy.

'Alice! Can you please calm down?'

I suppressed a giggle as it appeared that Alice's energy was also getting on Edward's last nerve too; although his annoyance didn't seem to do anything to calm her down. Sighing I put down my book.

'Alice…. Why are you even here?'

'You'll see soon' I gave her an over exaggerated eye roll just so she knew just how annoyed I was; however with Alice nothing like that seems to affect her.

'Alice… if your going to keep your evil plans from me... '

'They're not evil!' she retorted.

'Whatever Alice!' I laughed

'Evil or not. Can you please change the song in your head? I'm sick of hearing 50 different versions of Jingle Bells and could you possibly make it something non-Christmassy?'

There was a bit of silence as I figured Alice was most likely throwing something else at Edward to have to listen to.

'Ugh! Please go back to Jingle Bells!'

I laughed so hard. Whatever Alice changed the song to obviously had to be pretty bad.

'Oh but I always thought that you loved Miley Cyrus!'

I couldn't help but laugh even harder. Miley! No wonder he wanted to go back to jingle bells!

'Bella honey… can't you make her stop? Please! Not only is it Miley but its 'Best of Both Worlds… you know how much I hate that song!'

I waited a little bit longer before I decided to stretch my protection shield lackey to reach around Alice's mind so that her thoughts could no longer reach him.

'Oh come on Bella! It was funny, you even laughed'

'Yeah it was, but I have to live with him… you don't and you know what he's like when he's annoyed'

'Hmmm yes, I do' Alice replied with an evil glint in her eye.

'Hey guys, I am still here'

I waved him off as if it didn't matter but then my head jerked as I heard a car pull up in the driveway. Immediately I turned to Alice as she jumped up and down, obviously this is what she had been hiding from Edward and I for the past week and a half. I jumped off the couch to go and open the front door almost getting my feet tangled together – man Emmet would have loved to have seen that!

Opening the door I was greeted by an image that rocked me to my core. My mother was pulling a suitcase from the back of her car. My mum was right there in front of me! So this was what Alice had been hiding all along, well I guess this is one surprise I don't mind. Though I must say I became increasingly nervous as I realised that mum hasn't seen me since my transformation. She knew what I had chosen to become, After Jacob had so ungraciously told Charlie it was only fair that we included mom in on the entire situation. She had been a bit freaked at first; I mean hey! It's not easy to tell someone that vampires really _do_ exist, but after she got past that she was just happy that I was happy.

'Honey, Oh I am so glad to see you!'

Mom called as she started to haul her suitcase along the driveway. Running down with speed that would be accepted for a human – as much as she had accepted what I was, there is only so much freakiness a person can handle, I should know despite being quite the exception in the rule myself. Pulling the suitcase from my mothers grasp I quickly embraced her in what could have very nearly been a bone crushing hug.

'Oh mom' the words whooshed out from me 'I've missed you so much…'

'I've missed you too honey, but uh, could you let me breathe for a sec'

I let out a nervous laugh and released her from my grip. She took a step back to take a proper look at me.

'Wow' she said.' I wasn't sure what to expect but wow… You were always attractive, just like your abbreviation had suggested Bella, but now you just have this added…'

'Magnetism' Edward suggested as he came up next to me

'Yeah I guess you could call it that'

If I could have I would have blushed right at that moment but instead I grabbed mom's suitcase and hauled it in to the house and took it up to the guest bedroom giving Alice and pointed look which she returned with a super powered wattage smile and in the background I heard mum mumble 'and strong too'


	2. 20th December

**20th December**

It was so nice to have Renee with me. Alice finally left us alone after she helped get her settled into the guest room. However I fear she has more tucked up her sleeve as when I let go of the shield around her, Edward exclaimed she was still alternating between Miley Cyrus and Jingle Bells, a horrid combination. We were left to spend the day together, although it appeared that Alice had seeded the idea of a girl day out shopping into Renee's brain and unfortunately she thought it was great and then decided that we should bring Alice and Rosalie along.

So now, instead of spending time alone with Edward on a romantic holiday I was stuck with Alice, Rosalie and my mother at a shopping mall and had been for so long that by now, if I were still human I would be sagging from exhaustion, the only rest we have had in the day is when mom needed to have a human moment and got herself some lunch.

Currently we were in a Sex store looking for a present for Carlisle and Esme. I thanked the heavens that we were not here for me; it was actually quite fun picking out different ideas for the two. As a group we decided that we wanted to surprise Esme and Carlisle by buying them something kinky for Christmas.

Alice picked out this really cute red corset the was laced up at the back and would show off a generous amount of cleavage for Esme and there was a rim of fluff lining the bottom of the corset that would probably reach to 1 or 2 inches above her belly button. The bottom was a g-string that had a short see-through red chiffon skirt attached with white fluff also rimming the edges. The outfit also came with a cut little Santa hat. Rosalie then pulled our attention to a pair of red vinyl thigh high stiletto boots that would accompany the Santa Girl outfit amazingly.

Now all that was left was to find Carlisle something equally kinky, which was kind of gross to think about. Seriously, as cool as Esme and Carlisle were, they still were like our parents, so thinking about them being kinky sort of sent a shiver down my spine. I didn't even want to go near the thought that Renee and Charlie had ever been like that!

We were browsing through the men's outfits when something caught my eye back on the girls rack. It was a slinky Lion girl outfit that I thought would have been perfect for me and Edward, Mountain Lions being his preference in food. Alice seemed to follow the direction of my gaze and squealed in delight causing me to flinch. Trying to figure out what had made Alice so excited Rosalie and Renee looked to wear she was now pulling an outfit off the rack. I buried my head in embarrassment as mom sent me a cheeky look with eyebrows wagging and all whilst Rosalie let out a low whistle as Alice checked the size and the girls realised it would be a perfect fit. I tried to argue that we weren't here for me, but rather for Carlisle but they all still forced me to go and try the outfit on, even though Alice already knew what it was going to look like on me.

I stuck my head out of the changing room, not wanting to step fully out of the shop to see Renee holding up a Red male G-string that also came with a Santa hat and Alice holding a pair of boots that looked like they were designed for playing Santa dress-up, perfect for what we were looking for. As much as I wanted to avoid their attention, I also didn't want to be stuck in this out fit for long in public. Hearing my cough all three of their heads snapped towards me and soon I saw them all heading towards me with evil and plotting smiles plastered on their faces and I knew right then and there I was about to be hounded and that there was no way I was getting out of this without having to purchase the outfit. Taking one last glance in the mirror I felt my stomach do flip flops as I thought how Edward will react when he sees me in this – it would be an extra late night Christmas present all for his eyes only.


	3. 21st December

**21st December**

I had been completely correct yesterday in my assumption that the girls were not going to let me get away with leaving the store without the lion's outfit and now the very skimpy lingerie was hidden in the back of my underwear drawer amongst the closest thing Alice allowed for me to have as normal briefs that didn't have some sort of lace or intimate appeal to it. However today Edward seemed to be in a royally pissy mood – then again Alice was loitering around again, which _always_ mean trouble. I wonder what it is she planned for today…

I found out soon enough when I heard the distant roar of the rabbit coming up the road. Jacob was here? What the hell was he doing coming here? I'm surprised he has managed to pull himself away from guarding Renesme for long enough, Bastard. Even though Edward and I no longer were going on our week long holiday, Esme and Carlisle were still insistent on Renesme staying with them this week. With everything that has been going on, I wouldn't be surprised if it were all apart of Alice's plan. With Renesme I would have had an excuse to bail on yesterdays outing; stupid and annoying, pixie vampire.

Well if Jacob was coming around and Alice had informed Edward of this encounter, there's no wonder he's in a bad mood, me spending time with the wolves, even after they have been rectified as not actually being werewolves but rather shape shifters and that I'm now a vampire which means I can take care of myself; he still hates me being with them alone. The alliance between the two is very shaky so only I am allowed on to Quileute grounds, not the others; which is kind of ironic considering I'm the closest to newborn out of all of us. Then again I also happen to have the greatest revulsion to human blood out of what is most likely all vampires alive. Either way it seemed that Jacob was going to be filling my day today.

I really hate when Alice takes over scheduling my life, it's rather annoying. I left my room and went to greet Jacob as he entered the house by courtesy of Alice. Before I could reach him Edward pulled me into an embrace whispering into my ear 'be careful please' I grinned up to him, gave him a kiss and then made my way over to Jacob. He had Renesme next to him holding his hand and I let out a sigh of irritation.

Of course he wasn't going to let her out of his sight, how stupid of me to even consider it, but as I cam up closer she released Jacob's hand and I watched a flash of loss in his eyes but then claimed my girl, picking her up to give her a huge hug. Despite having grown as rapidly as she had, Renesme was beginning to slow in her growth process and was still small enough to rest on my hip. That being said, her legs wrapped all the way around my waist and I had vampire strength so holding her there was no effort at all. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and waved my final goodbye to Edward and Alice as I followed Jacob out to the car as he explained what the plans for today were.

Pretty much we were having a day of present swapping down at Sam and Emily's. Alice, having organised all of this had managed to already stack all of the presents I had bought for the pack into the back seat of the rabbit. Making a small bit of space I sat Renesme in and braced myself for the day ahead of me.

It actually turned out to be quite a nice day. I had forgotten what it was like to hang out with rest of the pack and the amount of food they consume is crazy. Jacob spoilt Renesme rotten with gifts and I couldn't help but feel a tinge of annoyance, the spoiling was a job for her parents, immediate Uncles and Aunts and her grandparents. Nothing there says a shape shifter who happens to have imprinted on the child gets spoiling rights. I should just let it go but I can't help but feel like he may just suffocate her one day with this smothering of attention. Well at least I know she will always be loved.

I still sometimes see the flashes of fear in the eyes of other members as they re-call how unusual a child Renesme is, but they've learnt to love and adore her as everyone else can't help but doing. She really is quite the sweetheart. I enjoyed just being able to relax and sit back watching her play around with them all. A few of the shifted into wolf form and played with her that way. I figured she would never need a dog as long as she at least had Jacob – there was plenty of puppy plus more in him. When Renesme started to fade out, Jacob drove us home where I tucked her in for a good nights sleep, thanked Jacob and then returned to the arms of my one and only Edward to spend a night of him reclaiming me as his own; even though I was never anyone's other than his.


	4. 22nd December

**22****nd**** December**

I sighed happily as I felt Edward's arms tighten their embrace around me. I wasn't ready for this moment to end – hopefully we might get the day to ourselves, but I figured chances were that that was not going to happen.

"We ought to go up to the house soon. Renesme and Renee are most likely waiting for us" I pointed out with remorse.

It wasn't that I wasn't glad to see Renee, considering I hadn't seen her since the change but this Christmas was supposed to be mine and Edward's but now that she's here our plans have been demolished. We had originally organised for her to spend the time with Rosalie and Emmet, as Renee has seemed to have taken a shining to Emmet's wild and lovable personality.

An annoying bell sounded through the house. I could personally tackle Emmet for installing the Bell that I had so specifically told him _not_ to put up.

Renee's voice rang out through the house seconds after the Bell. "Hello?"

With vampire speed Edward and I hurriedly threw our clothes back on before Renee could enter the room and jumped back into the bed – even though it seems ridiculous that we were lying in bed with clothes seeing as we obviously don't use it for sleeping.

"Speak of the Devil and she shall arrive!" Edward muttered close to my ear.

"Edward!" I gasped at him

"I'm just kidding Bella!" he replied hurriedly. I know he was as every bit annoyed with Renee's appearance ruining our romantic holiday that we had had planned but he didn't have the right to talk about her like that – especially when we know Alice was every bit on the plan – more so than Renee who hadn't realised we'd had other plans.

I was still shooting daggers at Edward who really only seemed minutely sorry for what he had said when Renee knocked on our bedroom door, opening it without waiting for our reply. Really sometimes Renee just doesn't think before she acts.

"Bells…" I cringed a little at the nickname. "Have you and Edward gone Christmas shopping yet?" her tone conveying a range of concern. We had bought majority of the presents but there were still a few more I had to get. I knew exactly where this was going but knew in my heart I couldn't do anything but please her.

Sighing I said "No mom, why?"

"Well I just thought maybe all of us could go to Port Angelus to look for some stuff?" The excitement that filled her eyes, made my decision for me – I just couldn't say no to her.

"Sure thing mom" I said with as much cheerfulness that I could muster, causing Edward to have to hide his look of disbelief when Renee then turned to him with a heart breaking expression planted on her face.

"Do you mind Edward?"

"Of course not" he replied smoothly, but I could still feel the tension in his muscles betraying his annoyance and disappointment.

My mother's face lit up as the final go ahead had been cleared from Edward

"Ok then, Bells get ready and I'll meet you in the house"

"Alright, meet you there!" I called out as she practically skipped out of the house. I waited tensely for the explosion to occur behind me. Suddenly I felt my clothes tear and Edward placing his palm on the small of my back pressing his lips to mine.

Pulling back I manage to gasp "what are you doing?'

My breathing was uneven as his lips began to trace down my neck

"We only have 4 minutes left" Edward exclaimed in an uncharacteristically whiney voice.

"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen – you will stop this very instant as we will have plenty time for that in the future" I semi-scolded him – secretly enjoying his touch.

With a huff Edward pulled himself off me and retreated to the shower to cool off. Calmly, I got up and moved to the closest. I threw on a white summer dress and some strappy black heels as my white ankle cons were no where in sight. I grabbed my purse and ran to the house.

I could see Renesme through the window as Rosalie played with her hair. Opening the door quietly I slid in trying not to draw attention – unfortunately Emmet saw me.

"You're looking smoking Bella!" Emmet whooped. Rolling my eyes and ignoring him I turned to Jasper as king where Renee was.

"She's in the bathroom, shouldn't be long. Just a heads up… it might be nothing, but I think Renee may be a bit depressed at the moment."

"Thanks for the warning" I mumbled – Renee wasn't the greatest company when she was like that.

Suddenly a plate came to a crash right in front of me and my head whipped up to where Emmet stood on the second level.

"Seriously Emmet you know how Esme feels about you smashing the good china" I scolded.

"Chillax Little B, it wasn't her good china… it was Mike Newton's" Emmet replied with a very mischievous grin plastered on his face. Well if it was Mike's I figured he could smash away.

"Land Ho!" Emmet boomed causing me to give an involuntary jump, which made him laugh causing the random Pirate Microscope that he had seemed to have pulled out of nowhere to fall out of his hands and onto my head.

"Emmet" I growled, letting him know I was fully pissed off with his idiocy.

"Hannah Bella- got- hit- in the head with a Pirate Thingy Majiggy!" he managed to choke out in bouts of laughter, proceeding to then jump over the second floors balcony doing a flip and landing on his knees with a ninja mask on his face – that he also managed to procure from out of nowhere – screaming "I am Leo from the Ninja Turtles!"

It finally settled on me why Emmet was being more ridiculous than normal.

"He's high isn't he?" I asked turning to Rosalie who was still playing with Renesme's hair.

"Yup" was her single worded response.

"Methane?"

"Yup!"

"How about Jasper?"

"Yup"

"Oh Alice won't be happy to hear that"

"Nope"

"Oh look at me I'm Rosalie! I think I'm all that" Emmet burst into the conversation flipping his long blonde hair. Wait a moment –Emmet doesn't _have_ Long Blonde hair. Both Rosalie and I shared a look – Emmet was wearing a wig!

Suddenly Alice appears out of nowhere a starts chanting with an outrageous amount of enthusiasm.

"Emmet's converted! Emmet's converted! He's on Edwards's team now!"

Turning back to Rosalie I question "Did Jasper get to her?"

"Yup" was all she replied with and I sighed with defeat.

"What's all this noi…" There was a thump as Renee fell to the ground.

"Bullseye!" Emmet cheered and with that I couldn't restrain myself for going for his throat.

* * *

this chapter was created by randomnesshurtsmyhead

thanks to those who have added this story or reviewed - every single one means something to us!


	5. 23rd December

**23****rd**** December**

_Beep. Beep. Beep. _The machine's surrounding us were really beginning to get on my nerves; so much so I was almost beginning to like the sound of the bell chime in comparison.

"How do we get that annoying sound to stop?" Emmet hissed under his breath however with our vampire hearing we all still managed to hear it. Must say I was awfully glad he was pissed off with it too.

"Renee's heart would have to stop beating" and with that statement Jaspers breadth of boredom washed over us like a tidal wave.

From the look on Emmet's face I was appalled that he was actually taking Jasper's advice seriously and of course as I rushed to stop him I tripped. If there were any time that I would be relieved for Emmet's stupidity it would be now.

Every time I pull out a klutz-y move Emmet will drop whatever he is doing – no matter how important it might be – just to stand and laugh at me. Sometimes this also includes rolling around on the floor; just to make my humiliation worse. Luckily for me Emmet's stupidity saved me from any humiliation this time around because everyone was astounded at his lack of intelligence.

"How exactly were you planning to kill Renee?" Edward pitched in casually resulting in Emmet giving one of his really annoying eye rolls.

"I wasn't going to _kill_ Renee, I was just going to pull the plug for this annoying beeping machine out from the wall" Emmet retorted

Astounded Edward flustered for a reply "Oh… I didn't know you coul…"

"You know what we should do" Emmet spoke – interrupting Edward. Without even waiting for an answer from anyone he decided to continue; squeaking out "We should do Karaoke!"

I suppressed a groan and before anyone could move a muscle to stop him Emmet pulled a karaoke machine out from his sleeve. Wait… what? How is he managing this? Does he have some sort of Mary Poppins bag hidden in there or something? No – that's just too weird – although we _are_ vampires and it _is_ Emmet we are talking about.

"Let's get this part-ay started!" Emmet's voice rang out through the entire hospital. Oh God! Emmet _had_ to choose _that _song; didn't he? – Grrrr. As soon as the horribly nasal voice began to fill my ears; my hands flew up hurriedly in attempt to save them but I was too late – Miley Cyrus's voice along with Emmet's began to fill my head.

**I hopped off the plane at LAX  
with a dream and my cardigan  
welcome to the land of fame excess, (whoa)  
Am I gonna fit in?**

Jumped in the cab,  
Here I am for the first time  
Look to the right and I see the Hollywood sign  
This is all so crazy  
Everybody seems so famous

My tummy's turnin and I'm feelin kinda home sick  
Too much pressure and I'm nervous,  
That's when the taxi man turned on the radio  
and a Jay Z song was on  
and the Jay Z song was on  
and the Jay Z song was on

So I put my hands up  
They're playing my song,  
And the butterflies fly away  
Noddin' my head like yeah  
Moving my hips like yeah,  
And I got my hands up,  
They're playin my song  
I know I'm gonna be ok  
Yeah, It's a party in the USA  
Yeah, It's a party in the USA

Get to the club in my taxi cab  
Everybody's lookin at me now  
Like "who's that chick, that's rockin' kicks?  
She gotta be from out of town"

There were varying yells warning Emmet to shut–up coming from Edward, Jasper, Rosalie and I; however he had somehow managed to get the rest of the hospital singing along which had me shaking my head in disbelief. Quietly I thought to myself that the Hospital secretly had health regulations against this kinda thing. A vampire can only hope.

**So hard with my girls not around me  
Its definitely not a Nashville party  
Cause' all I see are stilettos  
I guess I never got the memo**

My tummy's turnin and I'm feelin kinda home sick  
Too much pressure and I'm nervous  
That's when the D.J. dropped my favourite tune  
and a Britney song was on  
and the Britney song was on  
and the Britney song was on

So I put my hands up  
They're playing my song,  
And the butterflies fly away  
Noddin' my head like yeah  
Moving my hips like yeah

Emmet rocked his hips in time with the moving hips line that made us all want to be ill from the cheesiness of it.

**And I got my hands up,  
They're playin my song  
I know I'm gonna be ok  
Yeah, It's a party in the USA  
Yeah, It's a party in the USA**

Feel like hoppin' on a flight (on a flight)  
Back to my hometown tonight (town tonight)  
Something stops me every time (every time)  
The DJ plays my song and I feel alright!

Suddenly I got the great idea that ought to shut him up. Grabbing a sock of Mike Newtons I ran quickly back to where Emmet was standing singing in the loudest voice possible.

**  
So I put my hands up  
they're playing my song,**

Taking the sock I shoved it into his mouth – finally successfully shutting him up  
"UGHHHHH!" Emmet shrieked while the rest of us just laughed

"Who's was that?" he continued – still shrieking.

"Mike newtons!" I cried in a fit of laughing hysteria

"What was Bella doing with a sock from mike Newton?" Jasper turned to ask Edward who just shrugged in reply causing Jasper to then look questioningly at me

"Well Alice told me I might need one today...so..." I trailed off with a mischievous shrug of my shoulders.

"Props to Bella!" Emmet laughed. Huh? Why was he laughing? Usually he would be forming so form of revenge attack plan by now…

"I'm not gonna get back at you" Emmet replied as if he had been reading my mind and then he turned on a cheeky smile "well not _yet_ anyway. I've got an idea but we're going to need the Denali's to join us for this one"

* * *

Hey guys - here's the fifth installment to the xmas special story... please review as it helps as with the development of our writing

Cheers

Sailor - Ahiru and Randomnesshurtsmyhead


	6. 24th December

**_Hey guys... just a warning that this chapter contains more sexual reference than the others..._**

**

* * *

****23****rd**** December cont…**

Edward got off the phone with the Denali clan and came back to join the rest of us in the lounge room.

"They said they'll come as soon as they can and just like we have been were asking why we're asking them to come!" he said to Emmet.

However Emmet just gave the same reply he has been giving to the rest of us every time someone mentions it and it was really beginning to get on my nerves.

"I'll tell you when they come!"

"Emmet! What is up your sleeve and why can't I see anything but bars?"

"I'm not telling you until the Denali are with us – so deal with it!" and with that he resumed watching the 'Big' fucking 'Game' on the Widescreen Plasma TV.

_**1 DAY AND 15 HOURS LATER**_

**24****th**** December**

A knock sounded at the door triggering off a race between Alice and Edward on who would get there first only to end up having them wrestling on the floor. Really – sometimes you would never know that these guys have been living for way passed the normal human use by date. I walked around them and opened the door inviting the Denali coven inside, out of the pouring rain; typical Forks.

I couldn't help but thank god they were finally here – Emmet will finally have to tell us what his grand plan was that he was cooking up in his mind. I hope for his sake, and for the sanity of the rest of us it isn't anything too ridiculous otherwise Emmet was gonna have a whole lot of vampires down his throat (and one half vampire because somehow Emmet has gotten Renesme involved in this plot – something I was _very_ unhappy about!) which I highly doubt is something he would enjoy. Anyway where was I? Oh yeah that's right – Emmet has some plans to spill.

"TELL! TELL! TELL! TELL! TELL! TELL! TELL! TELL!"Alice started repeating in a chronically annoying voice...oops – that's her normal voice – thank-god she can't hear my thoughts.

"Well, here's what we are going to do…" Emmet started, finally filling us in on his grand scheme that had us all squirming a little for excitement. Damn Jasper.

"Okay Tanya, time to do your thing!"

Tanya gave us each a sneaky smile then picked herself up and started walking sleazily up to the surfer dude who was situated a little bit down from our sneaky hiding spot – still in perfect view. HAHA oh God! She is _way _too good at this.

"Hi There…" a purr rumbled out from her throat making the Surfer dude blush just a little.

"Umm. Hi?" the guy responded with a wavering voice, looking uncertain. Suddenly Edward starts to burst into laughter.

"What? What was he thinking?" 7 voices hissed with curiosity towards Edward and with shock I realised one of those voices belonged to me.

"It's just that – hahahahaha –wel – hahaha"

"Edward; take a deep breath, calm it down and tell us what happened…" I soothed him so that he wasn't in such a state of laughing hysteria.

"Ok well… it's just that he was thinking about banging Tanya…" Edward shook his heads with a smile on his face "turns out she's going to end up a prostitute after all! Hahahahaha" Edward returned to his laughter closely followed by Emmet, Jasper, Alice and me which was abruptly stopped when Renesme's voice picked up.

"Umm... What's a prostitute?" Edward and I stared at our daughter with eyes wide – Oh God! Damn you Emmet for involving her in his silly but pretty funny little plan!

"Nothing honey!" Rosalie quickly countered whilst shooting daggers at the rest of us.

Ignoring Rosalie Emmet turned to me "Okay Bella, You're up!"

Before I went I quickly turned to Rosalie "Make sure she doesn't see any of this ok!" All it took was a brisk nod from Rosalie and I knew Renesme wouldn't have to see anything inappropriate tonight.

I began to walk towards where Tanya was pulling my shirt down low so that my nipples were practically showing and hitching my skirt into a position that if I were to bend over there would a glimpse of my ass in plain sight. I heard Edward's growl – he wasn't particularly fond of this part of the plan.

Walking slowly towards the two; Tanya took her cue and moved a little to the side. Then at human speed I ran to the surfer and jumped onto him wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, pressing every inch of my body against him. I then began to trail kisses along his collar bone, throat and finally his lips. He swung us around, pressing my back against the wall that he had only been against seconds ago and took my top off. Edward began to move in a very dangerous way but was held back by Emmet who consoled him saying it would be over soon and that he just had to wait.

The surfer's hands started to reach towards the clasps on my bra and knowing that the action would have only pushed Edward closer to the edge I subtly negotiated his hand down to my mini skirt instead. He ripped it off, leaving me in just my incredibly revealing thong and bra. I heard Emmet beginning to drag the rest of them away and having to take extra force to pull Edward along too. Next phase.

"How about we go to your apartment?" I purred "Tanya and I happen to make a really great team!"

All he could manage was an "Mmmhmmm" as he threw me into the front seat of his car, grabbed my clothes and Tanya and sped off to his place.

****

It took us no more than 2 minutes to get his place as he had taken a shortcut through an all and he took no time running up his stairs with me wrapped around his chest and Tanya attached behind him to get through his front door.

Ripping open the door he then threw us both onto the bed and attacked me. Tanya took this as the perfect opportunity to slip quietly out of the room. I tore off his shirt and pants leaving him in only his boxers. He began to embrace me but when I slipped through his grasp all he could manage was a huff and a put as he asked me to come back.

I just gave him a teasing smile "well you see... we've actually got a surprise for you..." I trailed off seductively. Tanya then came in with a portable pole and a whip. She too had stripped down to just her lingerie; exactly how we had planned. Taking up our positions we began to twirl with expertise around the pole, suddenly jumping onto him when he was least expecting it. Tanya, the seductress that she is kept him busy whilst I slipped sleeping syrup into his glass of water on the bed side table; when She saw that the phase had been completed she bent down to whisper in his ear.

"Take a drink – you must be parched… don't worry, we won't go anywhere"

I slipped the glass between his lips and watched as he gulped the water down – eyes still ravaging over our bodies. It didn't take long before he was flat out unconscious.

"Let's call them now" I spoke to Tanya, now in a normal voice seeing as the guy wasn't gonna be hearing anything for a while.

"There's no need!" a voice boomed as Emmet bounded into the house followed quickly by everyone else. Luckily I could see that Renesme's part in the plan had been conducted and she was no longer with the group – Rosalie must've taken her home. Edward came up and gave both Tanya and I some decent clothes to chuck on.

"Ok – so let's find this stuff!" Emmet spoke in a sing-song voice.

"Oh hey – check this out, he must be related to Lauren Mallory!" Alice said showing everyone a photo on his desk.

"Put your hands in the air!"

Oh shit… the cops – oh man. Thank-god Charlie wasn't working tonight but word will definitely get 'round – erg.

*****

Just great. I'm in jail on Christmas Eve. Stupid Alice. Why didn't she see that the cops had decided to do a prostitute 'round tonight. They had followed us all the way to the apartment. Added on top of that they added the charge for drugging the guy to sleep. It had all been good fun, but we never ended up getting to finish the prank and to make the night even worse, Emmet had managed to bring his harmonica with him. This is going to be a looooonnnnggg night. Sigh.

* * *

reviews please!!!

love

sailor Ahiru and Randomnesshurtsmyhead


	7. XMAS DAY

Hey everyone!! sorry for such a late update - had a mental blank - but all is good now =D

there will be links up for some of the pressies up on our profile if you wanna check them out!

Love

Sailor-Ahiru and Randomnesshurtsmyhead

p.s. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!

**

* * *

****CHRISTMAS DAY**

We were all gathered around the Christmas tree finally exchanging presents. It was lucky that Rosalie hadn't been with us when we got arrested otherwise we would have had to call Esme or Carlisle to come bail us out – which as cool as they were, still would have been embarrassing; I mean they still are our parents.

I think everyone was enjoying finally being able to dupe Alice in the present giving department, as this year I was able to cloak their choices so she couldn't figure out what each person was planning on getting her. It was kinda funny to watch as Alice sat fidgeting, dying to know what was underneath all the wrapping.

To torture her we decided to give her most of her presents nearer to the end of the entire gift swapping – just to make her wait and let the tension bubble. As, expected, Renesme was spoilt rotten with approximately two presents at least from each family member. I scowled at everyone for splurging so much on her, but couldn't help feeling proud that she was so well loved. Esme had baked Christmas cookies for Renee and Renesme, the only humans amongst us.

"Wait!" Alice suddenly screamed, jumping up at the same time.

"We haven't got everyone here yet."

We all looked at her with dubious expressions on our faces until the doorbell rang and with a sniff of my nose I knew _exactly_ who were missing. God! I hope he doesn't know where we were accommodated last night – it'd be the second death of me.

Luckily from the expression on his face when he entered, the news had yet to come through the grapevine. I realised a small sigh of relief – one that he couldn't detect. Charlie gave everyone a bit of an awkward hello and Renesme a hug and I had to repress a chuckle – Charlie will always be Charlie and that's what I love about him.

"So let's get down to opening these goodies huh!" Charlie sat down rubbing his hands together with delight.

Emmet laughed and chucked on a Santa hat; chucking a Santa's helper hat on Alice's head, who grimaced at the fact the shade of green clashed with the shade her Christmas dress was.

The first present was given to Renesme. This one was from Esme and Carlisle and was a hot pink 16 GB Ipod Nano. It was the latest version and had an in-built camera. She was so ecstatic that we couldn't continue until she had put the Ipod on charge so she could play with it ASAP. While she was putting it on charge she noticed the inscription on the back – _Let there always be music in your life. ; Love Grandma and Grandpa Cullen._

With her eyes tearing up she ran and hugged the two of them – if they had been human I reckon the hug could have come close to cracking their ribs. Most of the presents passed quickly after that. Renesme also received a pack of Ipod accessories from Esme and Carlisle.

Emmet bought her a Nintendo DS lite with several games and Rosalie bought her an expensive make-up and nails kit. Alice of course bought her plenty of clothes – some at the size she was and some several sizes bigger (I think she was hinting that the growth wasn't going to be slowing down _just_ yet).

Charlie, having considerably less money than the Cullen's bought her several different CD's – and I realised that he must have been aware of Esme and Carlisle's gifts. Renee bought her jewellery to match the outfits that Alice had picked out for her (did I mention she also bought her the shoes to go with them!).

Edward and I had bought her a camera and a laptop for her schooling. We hoped to get her into the habit of taking lot's of pictures in her semi-human life so that when the growth spurt slowed down and we could finally put her into a normal school she would be well adhered to taking memories – stuff I now sorta wish I had done more of.

Everyone had chipped in to buy Rosalie clothes, accessories and make-up. Emmet had gone further and bought her a collection of Swarovski necklaces. Emmet got equipment for tattoos as he was planning on enrolling himself into a tattoo course. Rosalie said her gift for him was for later when they were alone – which made him turn up his very mischievous smile.

Jasper was given several Art books and Art supplies whilst Alice bought him some very sexy boxers and a 12 book collection on the civil war. When Esme and Carlisle opened their presents we all laughed as expressions of shock and shyness crept onto their faces when the paper revealed the Santa and Mrs. Santa outfits we had picked up for them at the lingerie store.

Jasper bought Alice a ticket to Switzerland to go skiing with him. Rosalie and Emmet bought her a pole dancing kit as a joke and then a few pairs of shoes. Esme and Carlisle got her the guitar she's been eyeing off for a while and Edward and I had bought her a sleek black Yamaha motorbike. In all – I believe everyone was pretty happy with their gifts – the family had bought both Renee and Charlie $500 gift cards to spend on what ever they want (I had suggested a cook for Charlie who made everyone laugh).

Edward had bought me a sleek black evening dress with matching heels and Swarovski jewellery and I had bought him his own motorbike (with the help of Rosalie of course).

The Christmas cookies had now been completely devoured and everyone decided to retreat to their own personal bubbles of space. Renee came and gave both Edward and I a hug and informed us she was going to stay with Charlie for the night then head back home tomorrow and spoke of how grateful she was for us having her there.

Charlie gave us an awkard-ish hug each and pretty much said thanks for a great day – I figured he'll probably take Renee to the Reserve for dinner with the Quileute's. Renesme was exhausted from the day and after a small meal went to bed pretty early – leaving Edward to ourselves finally. Our time together didn't last long when Alice came to our door – but luckily for her, she came bearing good news…

* * *

OOOH CLIFFY!! LOL


	8. Boxing Day

**BOXING DAY**

"Rawr!" I let out a growl as I crawled across the room towards the bed that Edward was now frozen with shock on. Alice had finally given us the all clear to go on our holiday; so I was exercising the use of the special lingerie we had picked up the day we had bought Esme and Carlisle's presents. I could tell that Edward liked what he saw because his un-necessary breathing hitched to a pant as his eyes raked over my body. With one last final growl I sat back onto the balls of my feet and leaped up onto the bed landing on all fours holding myself up above Edward proceeding to ravish him in kisses as I slowly lowered myself onto his body. It didn't take long for Edward to snap back into action. The lingerie will unfortunately never be able to be used again – but it served its purpose – igniting Edward's animal within.

* * *

So there you have it - the Xmas special is now officially finished! hope you enjoyed it!!

x x

Sailor-Ahiru and Randomnesshurtsmyhead


End file.
